Some things I have learned

I have learned a lot of things over the last year, probably more than I’ve ever learned before. And unfortunately, these lessons have been taught to me through a series of mistakes, bad decisions and whole lot of stress and anxiety. 
The first thing that I have learned, is something I have known all along and have always preached. However it is never something I have really, truly put into practice. And that is to listen to your instincts and follow your heart. I have always said you should listen to your heart over your mind but when it comes down to it I always end up doing the ‘smart’ thing, playing by the rules and making the ‘right’ choices. However these choices may be right according to the textbooks but when implemented into real life, each time they have turned out to be the wrong choices. My instincts have always been right and I have never listened to them. My first assumptions about a person, a place or a situation have never failed me but regardless, I have ignored them and I have paid for it immensely. From now onwards, I do what my heart and what my gut tell me to, no matter what other people say or whether it is considered the right decision by anyone else, my body knows what is the right decision for me and it’s about time I started listening to it.

The second thing I have learned is that I must stop putting others before myself. It is okay to be selfish. And starting this year, I am going to be selfish. I have always put others before myself, hell, I put everyone before myself and all it has done is cause my pain. I have never been appreciated for being so considerate (which I bloody am and I don’t care if that sounds conceited, I’m the most considerate person I know!), I have gone out my way, stretched myself thin, I’ve almost fucking killed myself for other people. I have never received a thank you, verbally or physically. Nobody has shown any appreciation, instead they have continued to walk all over me. Still, people have fucked me over to get ahead themselves. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to become like that. I’m not actively going to try and cause others grief but if something that is right for me is going to cause hassle for someone else, so be it. I’m putting myself first, I’m doing what is right for me and I’m not going to feel guilty about it.

Similarly, the third thing I have learned is that I am in control of my own life. I can choose who I want to be, who I want to surround myself with, what I want to do. And so on. If someone isn’t adding positively to my life, I’m not going to make the effort. If I am not enjoying something, I am not going to do it. This is my life and it is too short to spend it doing stuff I don’t want to do. Right now, I’m working towards a degree I have no interest in. But that’s okay, in less than 6 months it will be over. I’m also working a job that I don’t like as well, however it’s convenient for me and its enabling me to save the money I need to travel when I finish university. So I’m not going to be stupid, I’m going to be careful with my decisions.

Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is that this year, everything I do, I’m doing for myself.

 

A belated happy new year folks. Take control and do what feels right for you. You are the most important person in your life.

 

– Quiet Waters

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