Mama didn’t raise a quitter 

Never giving up is one of my biggest strengths, but in a lot of ways it is one of my greatest faults too. It means that I will see something through to the end regardless of how it might harm me, no matter what my gut is screaming at me to do. If I’ve already begun something, I will finish it. Although I must note, this doesn’t apply to my creative writing – I have countless unfinished novels in my documents. But with everything else, I am relentless. I know I should have left university back when I first wanted to, but I felt if I did I would have wasted a year and a half of my life, I would have wasted money, I would have failed my friends and family, and I would have failed myself. However here I am, about to complete my degree and I still wish I’d quit. If I had, I wouldn’t have had the bad experiences I had, I wouldn’t be on medication for depression and anxiety. I just couldn’t let go, I had to see it through to the end. The shitty school I went to, the shitty jobs I’ve held, shitty places I’ve lived, shitty relationships I’ve held on to, I couldn’t quit any of those. I left only when I have to, when things got so bad, it was my last resort. I allowed myself to suffer in silence for so long.At the same time, it makes me a strong person. I endure. I can handle anything, and I can do it with a smile. Nobody would ever know how I struggled. I trust myself, I know what I am capable of. And for that I am thankful. But what I’m beginning to understand is that sometimes it is okay to quit. You know what is right for you. If something doesn’t make you feel good, don’t do it. This is something I was thinking about back in January and it is harder than you might think, doing things for yourself. I never realise until it’s too late that I can just quit. I am going to continue to work hard to recognise times when I can say no, when I can close the door on something that does not make me feel happy. And I will be ruthless, from now on, no more mediocrity either. If something makes me feel bad, goodbye. If something makes me feel okay, goodbye. I have enough things working against me to make me feel bad, I gotta help myself out.

In three weeks time I will be finished with university. In two months time I will be in another country with my love. I will be living my dream. And I’m going to make sure I am always living my dream. That is something I will not give up on.

Thanks for being here

 

-Quiet Waters

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s